My Favorite Childhood Restaurant Memory

In my search for tips on researching my family history I found an interesting group, GeneaBloggers. Among the advice offered is a challenge to record our own memories for future descendants. I am intrigued by their 52 Weeks of Personal Genealogy & History by Amy Coffin which is a series of weekly blogging ideas. This week’s prompt is RESTAURANTS.

I immediately thought of Burger King. As a treat a couple times a year, my mom would pack my brother & my best friend’s family into the car for the trip to Burger King. Car rides with the two families always meant something fun was in store.  This BK was the first fast food restaurant in the area, so it was a novel experience for us kids. We would each get to step up to the counter and order what we wanted. This alone was huge! I realize the current generation expects that mom to fix different meals for each kid, but with the moms my friends & I grew up with, we ate what they made that night… and we ate it all, end of discussion. Our choice was the amount of fuss we put up before eating the brussel sprouts, too much fuss & no dessert. After we all ordered and gotten our crowns, we’d get our bag of food & head back home to eat. I don’t ever remember eating at the restaurant; instead all us kids would eat out on the porch back at home.

We moved from Blue Bell when I was still in elementary school, so my geographical memory is that of a child. I can give you directions from my house to: school, church, and Burger King. A few years ago we were passing through Blue Bell and there was a need for a bathroom break. Without having been in the area for decades I was able to direct the driver right to this Burger King. My aunt has moved to the area and lives a bit passed the BK, so now when I drive by, I smile.
What is was your favorite restaurant as a kid?

Ice Cream!

Today is National Ice Cream Day this month is also National Ice Cream Month. I’m just going to ignore for the moment that our elected representatives can’t even decide if ice cream ranks a day or a month, nor the time & $ wasted in the endeavor and just enjoy celebrating ice cream. I’ve been a fan of ice cream since I was a little girl sharing a cone with my dog. I remember the road trip where our family took a break at a rest stop and got cones to break up the journey. I got a scoop of hard vanilla ice cream. Unfortunately when I took my 1^st bite, the ice cream fell off the cone. There I stood staring at the cone in my hand and my ice cream on the road. I must have looked pathetic enough, because my mom, whose usual attitude is you drop it you lose it, sent my dad back to the window for another cone. The employee, who saw the splat, gave dad a new cone for free. 

All’s well that ends well. Time for a cone!

Health-e-Motion

Yesterday was the Grand Opening Celebration for Health-e-Motion.  There was the typical meet & greet, food, drink and tour. Unique to Health-e-Motion were the Nia classes you could jump into for a song, intuitive readings in a private room or the Drumming Ceremony which was the finale for the day. Now I have never seen a Drumming Ceremony much less participated in one, but that didn’t stop me from picking up a drum and banging along. What a hoot. Everyone started out trying to follow the rhythm but as the ceremony progressed, we all just did our own thing. Some people were drumming or using other percussion instruments, some danced and some enjoyed the performance. Usually I’m in the latter group. Just spending a few minutes in this new space and I was already enjoying being out of my comfort zone.

Health-e-motion is the brainchild of Christine Clifton. She describes herself as a Personal Growth Trainer and has worked as a life coach and Nia instructor. Christine wants to bring healthy living modalities under one roof. Whether you are searching for spiritual, intellectual, emotional or physical enlightenment Health-e-motion is the place to be.

I first met Christine a few months back at a Rock Your Chakras class she was leading. It was fantastic! It was a mix of movement, meditation and soul searching. Just weeks before my mom’s death, I came into the class hopeless and dark and left feeling hopeful and light. It was an awesome internal transformation. Excitingly, this is one of the classes being offered during the free Monday evening classes in March. I can’t wait to take it again. To me the real excitement about Health-e-Motion is the opportunity to try new things in a safe environment. There’s this Dance Your Chakras (March 31) billed as all about chakras and balancing these energy centers through dance meditation. Sounds like something not to miss to me. 

Do you have a DNR?

Do you have a Do Not Resuscitate Order (DNR)? That is one of the most emotionally devastating questions to be asked about you loved one. Family discussions about end of life preferences are important; however the triggering event is generally an abstract idea, something that may happen sometime down the road. Even signing a living will does not have the emotional impact of a medical professional asking if there is a DNR.

Our family has had many conversations regarding death, dying, our preferences and the like. My dad’s military background created an acceptance of dealing with this topic at an early age. My grandfather passed away when I was 10. My mom had to make the decisions as the end neared. She often told me the most important thing was that he was comfortable. After college I wasn’t allowed to go on a European holiday until I had a will. Burial vs cremation conversations began in earnest after my aunt passed away in the early 90s. For the record, we’re a cremation, no viewing family. When my mom had surgery a few years ago, the hospital requested a living will. She got one and so did the rest of us. Her living will like all other important documents is safely stored in our safety deposit box. (Side note- access to living wills is important. Bank hours may not be convenient for retrieval when necessary)

Fast forward to a month ago, my mom had gone to the doctor for pain in her back and by the end of the day she was admitted into the hospital. That was on a Friday and by the following Friday, she was dead.

My mom’s breathing had become labored. When I questioned what was happening the nurse asked if Mom had a DNR. Hearing that felt like a slap in the face thank you very much reality. In theory and in fact the question of DNR had already been answered by my mom herself. At that moment however, I just told the nurse I wasn’t prepared to answer that question and hurried away. Later that day when I was speaking with the doctor, he asked the same question. I told him my answer today will be opposite of my answer tomorrow once my brother saw my mom. Gratefully, that worked for him. That night was a sleepless one for me. Having spoken with friends about their experiences with DNR, I spent the night mentally preparing myself to sign the DNR. I don’t care what the medical professionals say; signing that paper is like signing my mom’s death warrant.

The next morning, after my brother had seen mom, we had a family meeting with the doctor. Things had gone from bad to worse overnight and the end was here. As we absorbed blow, I knew it was time for the DNR. Steeling myself, I turned to the nurse with the clipboard who attended the meeting and said I was ready to sign the form. Instead they tell me that, if there is a documented discussion with the doctor regarding DNR, it is not necessary to actually sign the form. Seriously, NOW you tell me this? It would really have been nice to have known the night before, I might have actually slept. (Note this applies for New Jersey, I don’t know about the rest of the country.)

After the anti-climax of the now non-signing of the DNR done, we turned our attention to making my mom’s last hours as peaceful and painless as possible. Mom’s last day was filled with family and friends. 

Obits aren’t Free Anymore

One of the bizarre, but interesting and useful bits of information I picked up during the process of my mother’s passing is regarding obituaries. While once considered news, in the tightening financial crunch newspapers have been facing for many years, obituaries are now considered classified ads. As such, the length of the record of your loved ones passing is counted by word and charged accordingly. Since it is now considered an ad, the rates fluctuate wildly region to region as well as the size and scope of the publication. 


We live in suburbia, our town’s weekly paper charges a couple hundred while the local daily rates are just under $400. The wider the reaching papers such as our state wide paper not only charges for the print ad, but an additional fee to publish it online as well. One story I recently heard was that the obituary in the New York Times for a stockbroker cost $12,000. That was more than the cost of his cremation and memorial combined. Obviously, obituary costs are now something you seriously need to consider when planning your loved ones final arrangements.

I want to thank my BFF Cathy McGuckin for helping our family write mom’s obit. For the record (and one that is still free), this is my mom’s obituary:

MT. ARLINGTON, NJ—Joyce D. Armstrong died on Friday, November 27, 2009, at Morristown Memorial Hospital after a brief illness. She was 77.

Born in Wilkensburg, PA, to the late Clinton and Mary (Ritts) Burket on October 23, 1932, she was a 34-year resident of Mendham until moving to Mt. Arlington in June, 2006.

Joyce graduated then worked at the Business Training College in Pittsburgh, PA, where she met her husband Joseph Armstrong. Joyce and Joe married on June 6, 1955, at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD. She would fondly remember their ‘two-year honeymoon’ in Hawaii, while Joe served with the U.S. Marine Corps. Prior to their honeymoon, Joyce enjoyed working for Radio personality Mark Evans in Washington, DC.

Joyce was a member of the Newcomers’ Group of Mendham for more than 20 years and enjoyed playing in the bridge club. She also enjoyed traveling and the Naval Academy. Joyce will be remembered by friends and neighbors for her deep love of her family, her beautiful Mendham home—especially her porch swing, her Christmas Eve and Army-Navy Game parties, and her kindness.

She was predeceased by her brother Clinton (1993) and her sister Maybelle Gillespie (1992). Survivors include her husband of 54 years Joseph, her daughter Kimberly of Succasunna, her son Scott of Wilmington, NC, and her beloved grandson Colin of Rockaway.

A memorial service to celebrate Joyce’s life will be held at the Bailey Funeral Home on Saturday, December 12, 2009, at 1:00 PM. A reception will be held at the Elks Club in Gladstone. Entombment will take place at the U.S. Naval Academy Cemetery in Annapolis, MD at the convenience of the family. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that memorials be made in Joyce’s name to Cancer Center for Education and Patient Support Fund, Morristown Memorial Health Foundation, PO Box 1956, Morristown, N.J. 07962.

Arrangements are by the Bailey Funeral Home, 8 Hilltop Road, Mendham, NJ, 07945—(973)543-4720, www.baileyfuneralhomes.com.